


The Velocity of Love

by HiLarpItsCat



Category: The Dresden Files - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, LARPing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 02:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11500317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiLarpItsCat/pseuds/HiLarpItsCat
Summary: "I wish it had been you."Tilly's backstory.





	1. Prologue: The Most Alive Person You're Ever Going to Meet (2017)

"Do you ever meet someone and know instantly that they're the most alive person you're ever going to meet in your entire life?

That was Maria. 

She had the darkest hair I'd ever seen, the most irritatingly flawless skin (that bitch), amazing grey eyes, and she basically never closed her damn mouth. When she looked at you, it was like you were the only person in the room... or in the entire world, really.

She was my roommate at boarding school. She was my best friend. She was my first kiss. 

She almost killed me. She succeeded in getting herself killed. She was so alive until she wasn't.

I miss her every single day.

I'm not sure exactly when my crush on her started. Definitely by junior year, when she started seeing Jake. It's not that I was jealous... okay, I was totally jealous. But one night she slept over at his dorm. She called me in the middle of the night to come take her home. Jake was dead on the bed, and Maria had changed. Maria had changed because Jake was dead on the bed. Jake was dead on the bed because Maria had changed.

She almost drank me dry that night too. It was a weird first kiss.

Then Harmony came and took her home. And that was that. 

Talking online was easier. This was the early 2000s, so AIM was the big thing. We talked almost every day. And we wondered "what if?"

I remember her telling me: "I can attract pretty much anyone I want but I can't make them love me."

I remember her telling me: "People get near me and they don't get to choose how they feel about me. It's never going to be real."

I remember her telling me: "I wish it had been you."

So we gave it a try. We spent the summer together. We were so careful... until we weren't.

I don't know what happened. Maybe we got cocky. Maybe Harmony had been giving her too much work. Maybe it was just inevitable. But one night she lost control and nearly killed me and I burned my heart out to survive. 

It was one hell of a breakup.

But we missed each other. When college was over, I moved to Chicago. I didn't even think twice about it. We started to repair our friendship.

And then she died. Violently. Horribly. I don't want to talk about that part.

She was my best friend. She was my first love. And she's gone."


	2. Please Don't Go (2002)

2002-05-22 18:03:49 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: guess who bitch

2002-05-22 18:04:34 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: Maria I know your phone number. Youre already in my contacts

2002-05-22 18:05:41 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: booooooo i had a plan and u ruined it. don’t u at least want 2 know how i got the #?

2002-05-22 18:06:40 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: Harmony?

2002-05-22 18:07:28 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: no

2002-05-22 18:07:59 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: ok yes it was harmony

2002-05-22 18:09:32 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: LOL I figured. Ill be back at St.As in about an hour. Will you be there?

2002-05-22 18:11:02 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: actually… dont laugh but im gonna b at jakes

2002-05-22 18:18:34 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: okay then

2002-05-22 18:19:44 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: r u ok? i can cancel if u want me to

2002-05-22 18:22:13 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: no why would I want that?

2002-05-22 18:23:08 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: i know u dont like him

2002-05-22 18:24:22 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: I never said I didnt like him. I have no opinion on him

2002-05-22 18:26:01 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: yeah but u act wierd whenver i mention him

2002-05-22 18:26:59 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: no i dont

2002-05-22 18:27:16 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: YES YOU DO

2002-05-22 18:29:32 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: are you going to sleep w him?

2002-05-22 18:31:02 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: idont know maybe. whats the big deal its just sex

2002-05-22 18:32:49 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: how would you know youve never done it before

2002-05-22 18:35:03 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: harmony says everyones 1st time is terrible so im not excaltly expecting fireworks

2002-05-22 18:36:21 773-XXX-XXXX TXT: itll b fine ill cu tmrw

2002-05-22 18:38:43 303-XXX-XXXX TXT: okay goodnight

 

* * *

 

Tilly answers the dorm phone at 10:35 PM.

“Tilly?”

“Maria? Are you okay?”

“...can you come get me? I’m at Jake’s.” There is a long pause. “Something… happened,” she says in a voice choked with tears.

“Did he…?”

“Please, just come get me, Tilly.” The line goes dead.

When Tilly arrives, Jake is dead on the bed. Maria is curled up in a fetal position against the far wall, wrapped in a bedsheet. The lights are still off. No sign of Jake’s roommate.

Tilly rushes to her. No sign of a fight, but she’s shaking and staring at nothing. “What happened? What did he do to you?”

“Nothing, we were just… it was going fine, a little awkward but fine and then he just—he just went still and I couldn’t wake him up and then I realized that he wasn’t breathing and—“ Her voice is rising with panic.

“You have to get dressed,” Tilly says, hunting around in the dark for Maria’s clothes. “You have to get dressed and we have to get out of here.”

“I think I killed him, Tilly.”

“What?” Tilly turns from where she had been retrieving Maria’s bra from the foot of the bed. “That’s not possible, you shouldn’t blame yourself, maybe he—“

“ _No_ , Tilly,” Maria says, finally looking at her. “He had put on the condom and we started going at it and… I don’t know what I was doing but it was like I was… I don’t know, like I was _draining_ him of something. And now I feel really weird.” She shivers again.

Tilly brings over her clothes and helps her into them. “This isn’t your fault, Maria.”

Her eyes fill with tears again. “But what if it is?”

Tilly’s only answer is “Let’s go back to the dorm and call Harmony. They’ll know what to do.”

Tilly sits out in the hallway while Maria calls her parent. When Maria opens the door afterwards she seems calmer but looks puzzled.

“They’re coming to get me; they’ll be here in a few hours. They said they’d take care of it. I guess… I don’t think they were telling me everything.”

“It’s hard to talk about stuff like that over the phone, and they probably wanted to get on the road as quickly as possible,” Tilly says, though she really can’t envision Harmony behind the wheel of a car; Harmony was definitely more the sort of person who had a chauffeur.

“They said something else,” Maria says after a moment. “They said… they said you need to leave the room until they get here. That you have to leave me alone. That it was really important.”

“What?” Tilly says, uncomprehending. “Leaving you alone sounds like the worst possible thing for you right now.”

“I know, but—“

“I’m not leaving, Maria. I don’t care what Harmony said. Unless,” she hesitates. “Unless you want me to go?”

Maria seems to crumple all at once. Tilly wraps her in a hug and hears Maria say between sobs “please… please don’t go.”

Tilly can feel the warmth of Maria’s breath on her neck. She feels herself relaxing, as though some great tension had left her muscles all at once. Her hands move, as though they had minds of their own, to gently cradle Maria’s face. Her eyes are so pale; how had Tilly never noticed that before?

That was her last coherent thought before Maria’s lips find hers and everything else falls away.

Every nerve of her body is singing in utter bliss. Fingers (whose fingers?) twine through hair and then they’re both on the bed and all Tilly wants is more of this, more of this feeling replacing every other feeling she’s ever had. She wants to hollow herself out and become nothing more than just this, right now, just this wonderful feeling and Maria and Maria’s lips and hands and hair—

\--and then Maria is pulling away, almost falling over herself to get as far away as possible and Tilly is about to scream in agony when her head begins to clear and she can hear Maria frantically crying “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I can’t I don’t know what’s happening to me I’m so sorry Tilly please run just run away before it happens again…”

Blindly, Tilly stumbles out into the hallway and down to the building’s common area. Some of the sophs are watching _The Princess Bride_ while cuddled together on the couch. Tilly sinks down onto the carpet in the corner and, almost immediately, falls asleep.


	3. I Wish It Had Been You (2006)

**OnHerOwnMerits:** hey bitch

 **FastAsYouCan:** Oh my God, how are you still up

 **FastAsYouCan:** It’s like 4am

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i could ask you the same question u know

 **FastAsYouCan:** Final paper due at 9am

 **FastAsYouCan:** Pulling an all-nighter

 **FastAsYouCan:** Like a fucking rockstar

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** ive met rockstars, honey, and the only thing you have in common is that your a fucking pyro

 **FastAsYouCan:** Not fair!

 **FastAsYouCan:** I haven’t set off the dorm fire alarm in a full _month_

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** lol

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** looooooooool

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** but for real, is everything ok in that area?

 **FastAsYouCan:** …kinda? I’ve been so busy with classes and exams that I haven’t had much time to think about it

 **FastAsYouCan:** I can just sort of ignore it for now

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** hooray for you

 **FastAsYouCan:** shit

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’m sorry, Maria, I didn’t think

 **FastAsYouCan:** That was a shitty thing for me to say

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** whatever

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** it is what it is

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** im a sexy creature of the nite bitch

 **FastAsYouCan:** I know, it’s just…

 **FastAsYouCan:** I know you can’t ignore it

 **FastAsYouCan:** and that it’s really hard sometimes

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** yeah well

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** ive got it under control

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** its fine

 **FastAsYouCan:** Maria

 **FastAsYouCan:** come on

 **FastAsYouCan:** It’s me, remember?

 **FastAsYouCan:** You can vent if you need to

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’ll always be here for you

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i know

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** youre probably the only one, yknow

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’m sure that’s not true. Lots of people care about you

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** lots of people want to fuck me

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** its not the same

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i can attract pretty much anyone i want but i cant make them love me

 **FastAsYouCan:** No one can _make_ anyone love them

 **FastAsYouCan:** It’s like a universal thing

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** yeah but heres the thing

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** noones ever going to love me tilly

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** its always going to just be sex

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** bc people get near me and they dont get to choose how they feel about me

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** its never going to be real

 **FastAsYouCan:** Well I love you

 **FastAsYouCan:** You know that

 **FastAsYouCan:** And its not the sex talking

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i found out something from greg

 **FastAsYouCan:** What?

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** theres a thing with wc vampires

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** if their 1st time is with someone they love

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** they dont become a vampire

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** they stay human

 **FastAsYouCan:** holy shit

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i wish it had been you tilly

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i was stupid and horny and didnt want to fuck things up with you so i went with jake and it all went wrong

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i know how you felt about me

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i felt the same way

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i still do

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** say something

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** please

 **FastAsYouCan:** I don’t know what to say

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** oh god

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i ruined it

 **FastAsYouCan:** No! No you didn’t

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’m crying because I didn’t think you felt that way

 **FastAsYouCan:** and its kind of overwhelming

 **FastAsYouCan:** but in a good way

 **FastAsYouCan:** i never stopped wishing something had happened with us

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** oh my god

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** shit im crying too now

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** what do we do now

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’m still doing that internship in Chicago this summer

 **FastAsYouCan:** I’ll be moving in first week of June

 **FastAsYouCan:** So maybe we could talk then

 **FastAsYouCan:** and figure something out

 **FastAsYouCan:** (and maybe make out a little?)

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** lol

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i dont want to hurt you though

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i almost did that night i turned

 **FastAsYouCan:** yeah but you didn’t in the end

 **FastAsYouCan:** you stopped

 **FastAsYouCan:** and it’s been years and you’ve never killed someone since then

 **FastAsYouCan:** I trust you

 **FastAsYouCan:** we’ll figure it out

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** i cant wait to see you

 **FastAsYouCan:** me too

 **FastAsYouCan:** But first I’ve got to pass this Public Policy class

 **FastAsYouCan:** Which means finishing this paper

 **FastAsYouCan:** Can I call you tomorrow night?

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** definitely

 **FastAsYouCan:** <3

 **FastAsYouCan:** Now go get some sleep

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** ok

 **OnHerOwnMerits:** gnight  <3

 **FastAsYouCan:** Goodnight!


End file.
